They should really pass out barf bags in church
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
