I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
