The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
