a queef is a wish your heart makes.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I have peed in a lot of sinks
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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