For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
