It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You made out with two different species that night
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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