My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
