Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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