I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
