well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
