She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
