Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
