Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
whose parrot is this?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
