Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
