I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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