You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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