he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
