he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
