she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
