I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
