You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
