So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I fill condoms, not promises.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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