false alarm. still invincible.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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