Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Never joke about your clitoris.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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