The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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