I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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