big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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