the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
