I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
