what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
