why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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