I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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