the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My vagina just clenched in fear
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
