If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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