were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
