I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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