There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
