Betty ford says i'm here all night
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
