walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
