the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
