margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
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