8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
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