In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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