32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
