no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
