I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
