I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
