i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I love you. Go after that dick
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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