I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm always down for nudity.
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