So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
