Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
