yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
